An optimistic view of happy. Endings.
A year ago I headpointed my first E5. It felt like the start of all things. Turns out it was just another brilliant climb shared with great people, one of many in the last 10 years of brilliant climbs shared with mainly great people. Happy and not the end.
So what does a happy not the end yet look like for me? Well I guess the problem is that I don’t fully know because I’ve not found it although I’ve an idea. Living in N Wales, or possibly Scotland, climbing consistently hard all the time, possibly all around the world with no climate consequences, not having to make a living, sharing all that with a person or people who get it. Someone to try with and for. To make it count. There would also be winter with ice if it was a perfect world. And dry sunny not too hot rock. Of course.
Instead I have a good job that makes a difference in the world, but means I’m further from climbing, and super psyched climbing and dancing folk, than I would like, and have to spend most days indoors feeling like I’m missing out.
Having worked outdoors for 7 years i know i prefer battling the elements to battling computer network speed, making less difference. Making a difference pays for all the climbing I do. But there are only 52 weekends in the year and never enough holiday, and climbing every evening makes me really sleepy!
Not all bad. I’ve finally been on trips to Morroco after years of wanting and it is even better than I even imagined. Keen to go again although events conspired against me earlier this year for a 3rd trip, less climate guilt but was really looking forward to it.
Hopefully will get back to Fairhead though – another highlight trip of last year – super keen for that with a few routes in mind! In fact better stop writing and get on the training now! Psyched.
So I’ve not been climbing anywhere near as consistently or as hard as I would like, but a little better and more consistently than a year ago. I guess I can’t ask for more but I want it. Obviously.
I led an E6/7 as the climax to a super weekend last October – and stuffed my Spain trip for climbing by being too tired. Always the feeling of wanting more. The reason our species is looking towards happy, ending?
I’ve caught some enormous lobs safely, especially recently, possibly the most watched lob on the internet? (and we can all work on being that perfect belayer of legends) Air miles always bad? Feels like I’ve not been getting enough, but falling off too much.
Sometimes I’ve hopefully helped get other people their routes by providing the faith and safe catch they didn’t need (although there was that time I got a bramble tangled in the belay plate and short roped someone costing their route – who knew that could even happen – sorry Paul!). Satisfying but I want ticks too. Can’t buy them but you can pay to try. Grade gain consumerism.
I have some trust issues that don’t help – I can only find the extra 3% where real try hard happens (thanks for defining it Niall, only just found that my life was missing Jam Crack after so long in denial – see what I did there or does that just sound wrong?) with people who are as focused on my goal as I am and who have complete faith in me. Self centred?
Which is how I try to belay too. Otherwise I can’t try and so all climbing feels hard. Sometimes it just does anyway. Yes I’m goal focused. I like to try in between the just for fun days. Fun can feel like failing to try hard, and trying can feel like failing to have fun. Like life and work in society.
I’ve not really been on the sport climbing yet this year, which i’m super keen for, and I’ve not been feeling going all out on the trad either, partly because I’ve not been on the sport, and it feels like everyone else is doing loads of both. Whichever I do I want the other. Consumerism of climbing.
Photo credit Imke
Not all about the climbing of course – being part of Ilse’ s “best most exciting day ever” going to her first summit was pretty special too! Is all about what the next generation can achieve where we haven’t.
my photo of the year – credit unknown
Ok so I’ve had some amazing special times with great folk this year, not all climbing, need to perhaps just shift the focus and carry on. My life would be the dream for some folk as it is. The whole thing is paradoxical and far too complicated in its simplicity. There is far too much want in the world.
Sometimes it is all about patience. I am not so good at that but hopefully worthwhile.
International meet next – all about the guests and having fun and mileage towards those goals, a chance to forget the rest a while 🙂
Dizzlizzie Climbing 